but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
