something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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