I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
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