her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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