Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
