guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
