Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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