The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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