xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
