I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
