i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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