If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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