so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
