WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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