What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
