so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
