They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
