it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
