had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
