it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
