Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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