dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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