Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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