I just pynch a tree in the face
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
