I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
