some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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