Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
