Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
