1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
