Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
