bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
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