We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize