so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
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