Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
