it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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