y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
