He kissed a someone with a penis
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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