I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
