Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
