he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Is Oprah even human
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
