oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
