Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
