I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
