IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
