i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
