I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
