I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
