I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize