How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize