Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
