I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
