The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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