his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
