handjob tips. give me some.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize