my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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