That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
im on a boat
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