Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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