we're chasing vodka with high fives
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
