whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
