you thought your balls were fighting each other...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Dick very happy bro
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
