you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
