I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
