dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize