If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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