i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
