Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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