HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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