Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
