Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
