i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
